Thursday, February 18, 2016

2015= loss+grief+art+ healing

Clearing out the dust of this blog I'll just return to 2015. Beautiful year with spring break spent with Ezra housesitting for friends overlooking Hull Bay, St Thomas Virgin Islands. We island hopped, snorkeled, played and had nice long conversations. It was a gift and magical memory I cherish. Ezra was headed to college, taking coding classes , started working at the Rowing Center and all was smooth sailing. I was slowly preparing for my solo show at HPBG central in Austin. The end of March Ezra was killed 2 miles from home in a one car accident. Construction was everywhere for miles on Mopac......flashing lights etc. My world went dark and heart cold. I immediatly quit my job and cancelled my art show months away with no intention of painting for a very long time. Our family was lifted by hundreds of loving friends, neighbors and family including the kids friends and parents....the tribe we raised our kids with. Days in shock lead to weeks and 6 weeks later while on a family weekend with all of Davids family and close friends David lead a hike up Enchanted Rock and thru his favorite cave on the top. He had a massive heart attack. He later died at the hospital.  The life as I knew it and family I help create was gone . This is tragic to say the least and more pain than Mariel and I were equipped to recover from. The once noise filled house with teenagers in and out, activity, conversations and fun went silent. Painfully quiet. I was offered my show back and I accepted knowing that painting would be my salvation. For well meaning people that just "couldn't wait" to see what this nightmare inspired I'll gracefully share that tragedy for me did NOT inspire anything but pure survival any way that was going to be possible. Friends started sharing dreams of Ezra, lots of dreams actually and messages I needed to hear. From the dreams came images and one dream was Ezra riding "Chica" our 16 1/2 year old lab rescue that we put down days after Ezra's death. I knew they were together as they should be. I was lost, my dogs that slept with Ezra lost, his dad, his sister, his girlfriend all in shock...Davids family, friends, coworkers and it just went on and on. The painting filled my nights, my weekends and I am grateful for the ability to paint in the deepest darkest place I could go. The work was bright, happy and not much different from the art I had always painted. My show opening was packed with friends that had supported me and loved me giving me space and quiet I had asked for. It was their chance to love me and support me the best way they could. That night was magical, healing and I am grateful for the people in my life that have lifted our family up when their seemed no reason to get up. I am a lucky grateful woman, mother and art is healing me every day...

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